10 Expectations You NEED to Let Go of If You WANT to Grow

I struggled with depression for 30 years. I wanted to “be better” – but refused to do anything about it. During that time, I used to say, “If I’m just stronger for a little bit longer, I’ll be ok.”

There was nothing further from the truth. All it did was allow me to struggle for 30 years – and gradually get worse during that time.

You see, like most people, I wanted to improve, grow and overcome – basically “be better”, without the discomfort, without the unknown, and without changing a single damn thing.

If you’re like I was, then let me tell you now – without trying to be a prick about (but you need to hear this) – nothing will change until you do something about it.

If you have admitted to yourself that you have an issue that you want to overcome, and learn and grow from – you are already ahead of about 50% of the population.

So, let’s be honest…you won’t change, learn or grow because you read an article, wrote a powerful quote down, or lit a scented candle.

You overcome, learn, adapt and grow when your expectations get stripped back and replaced with reality.

Here are 10 expectations you NEED to drop if you’re serious about becoming the person you know you can be.

And yes — this is coming from experience.

1. “Life should be easy or fair.”

Who sold us that idea?
Life is not a fairy tale. We will be hit between the eyes with life…a loss of a loved one, a divorce, bankruptcy, loss a job, have an accident or illness, be assaulted or physically, mentally or sexually abused…and the list goes on.

Life is more like one of those documentaries where the lion gets tired of the camera crew and charges straight at them.

Setbacks aren’t signs you’re failing.
They’re invitations.
They are invitations to learn, adapt, overcome and grow.
They force you to grow muscles you didn’t know you needed: resilience, adaptability, courage.

Fairness is nice.
Reality is better…and know, you’ve got this!

2. “I should be happy all the time.”

This is just not reality – and not possible.
If someone says they’re happy 24/7, they’re lying…or they have the emotional range of a teaspoon.

Humans feel it all — joy, sadness, disappointment, excitement, numbness, anger, hope.

It’s all real.
It’s all valid.

Growth comes when you stop fearing the emotions you don’t enjoy and learn to sit with them, process them, accept them, let them wash over and past you…instead of running from them.

Simply…feel them!

3. “Success has to look a certain way.”

Honestly – what is success?
There’s NO one version of success.
If there were, we’d all be living carbon-copy lives and comparing whose carbon copy is shinier.

When I left the police force years ago, I had a very rigid idea of success.
Job title. Income. Stability.
That was it.

Then life hit me with a baseball bat (actually it hit me lots of times – I just refused to acknowledge it, or feel it, I just continued to pretend everything was ok, even when I knew it wasn’t)…and taught me this:

Success evolves as you evolve.

Define success for yourself…for your life.
Don’t define success by what the world or your parents expect…and definitely not by Instagram or Facebook.

It’s time to define success for you and you only.

4. “Other people have to validate me.”

Chasing validation is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom.
No matter how many times you fill it up – it always ends up empty!
And…it’s exhausting, and you still feel empty afterwards.

Choose you.
Choose your own path.
People won’t always understand your path — and they don’t have to.
But, once you validate yourself, you stop focusing on filling that faulty bucket with holes that other people put into, and you fill your own perfect bucket from within.

When you do that, life becomes much easier and more fulfilling…try it!

5. “I have to be productive all the time.”

Newsflash: Rest is not optional.
Rest is NOT laziness.
Rest IS a strategy.

Often the problem isn’t that people don’t work hard — it’s that they don’t switch off.

If you go to the gym, you can’t work on your arms 24/7 – 365. If you do fatigue and injury sets in. When you have rest days, the muscles recover, are stronger next time, and the growth and strength of the muscles is actually faster as a result.

And you also need this.
Growth requires recovery.

Burnout doesn’t build anything except resentment and Netflix binges at 2am.

You need to rest…you need to recover…you need to create space for your mind and body.
And, when you do that…that’s where the real growth and creativity begins.

6. “I can’t start unless I’m already good.”

By the time I was 10, I was pretty good on a bike. By the time I was 17, I cycled across the Nullarbor with the school from Adelaide to Norseman. But 12 years earlier, when I first got onto a bike, firstly – I fell straight off; second time…moments later – I rode straight into a fence.

If we were to wait until we were good at something – we would NEVER start anything. We’d all still be sitting on the sidelines of our lives, waiting for the ‘perfect moment’ to begin.

You don’t get confident before you start.
You get confident because you started.

Let yourself be a beginner.
Beginners are brave.
Perfect people don’t exist.

So, start now…

7. “Relationships won’t change.”

Relationships — all of them — evolve.
People grow.
Values shift.
Life happens.

If you are lucky, like I am, then as you grow and evolve, your partner does as well. Either way, the relationship has to grow and evolve as a result. Sometimes the relationship is even better as a result…other times, maybe not.

The expectation that everything will stay the same is how connections die slowly and quietly.
(NOTHING ever stays the same.)

Relationships don’t thrive on autopilot.
They thrive on effort, honesty, and showing up intentionally.
Just like when you grow and evolve through hard work, relationships have to do the same.

If you want strong relationships, tend to them, feed them, nurture them!

8. “Growth is going to be easy.”

Is growth beautiful?
Yes — but let’s not pretend it’s a day out at the park, soaking up the sun!

Sometimes it’s confronting.
Sometimes it hurts.
Sometimes it’s confusing.
Sometimes it feels never-ending.
Sometimes it’s exhausting.
Sometimes it makes you question everything.

But here’s the payoff:
The discomfort you face is tiny compared to the pain of staying stuck, and…
The discomfort you face (and overcome) is tiny compared to the joy, happiness, courage, self-worth, and love you will feel for yourself.

That’s the beautiful bit, and trust me…it is SO worth it!

9. “I should already know all the answers.”

No one…and I mean NO ONE knows all the answers. (Mind you, some people are better at pretending that they do.)

That’s why we have different teachers in high school and university.
That’s why we have different government and corporate agencies.
That’s why we have different mentors and coaches.

Not knowing is not a weakness — it’s the doorway to learning.
Give yourself permission to say:
“I don’t know… yet.”
And then go find out.

Doing that is such an important step to growth!

10. “One day, I’ll be perfect!”

Nope. Nup. Never!
It will never happen.

Will you be better than yesterday?
Absolutely.
Will you have a chance to learn and grow a little bit more today – and improve on that?
Absolutely.

You don’t get a trophy for reaching ‘I’m perfect.’
There is no end to learn and growth.
There is no final version.
There is no such thing as perfection.

You evolve.
You grow.
You learn.
You have breakthroughs.

Then you hit new challenges that require new growth.

Personal growth is not a destination — it’s a lifestyle.

A Moment of Truth – a Bit About Me

Years ago, I held onto the belief that everyone had to see that my life was great. I believed I had to have everything working right all the time:
Career.
Identity.
Emotions.
Direction.
All neat, tidy, perfect.

Spoiler alert!
It wasn’t. Underneath it all was a ness.

There were 3 major moments in my life where I had to be brutally honest with myself, where I had to look at my own life and admit, “This isn’t working anymore”. Only then did everything change.

The First Time!
I was working for an organisation, in a job I HATED! One day, whilst on my way to the beach (on a day off), I had to drive on the same route I drove to work. On that drive, I started to feel sick – the closer I got to the beach, the worse I felt. Then, as I saw my place of employment (I cussed at it), drove past – and the further I got from it…the better I felt.

I realised work was making me feel sick – and I was sick and tired of doing jobs I hated. So, in that moment, I decided to do something about it. I thought, I can be 40 with or without a degree…I may as well have one and do something I love.

A month before my 40th birthday, I graduated as a chiropractor – and (nearly) 18 years later still love my job.

The Second Time!
I was sabotaging relationship after relationship, because in my early 20’s I had my heart broken. In that moment of pain and despair, I swore I would never let any woman ever hurt me again. And that allowed me to survive that period of my life. But what it did was shut me down emotionally.

As a result, I would get out of a relationship before I the opportunity that I may get hurt again. I realised that if I were to have the relationship I wanted, I would have to risk getting hurt. So, I dropped the walls…and guess what? I got hurt. But I survived. And the next person who came into my life was my now wife – and 20 years later…WOW!

The Third Time!
The whole “If I just be stronger for a little bit loner, everything will be ok” attitude…OMG. At 50, a colleague, a mate, who was doing the life coaching program with me, decided to ask me a series of questions. He allowed me to see I wasn’t coping with life and mental health in general (I already knew that, but he brought it to the foreground), and then he asked me two questions:

“Aren’t you sick of living like that?” and…
“Don’t you think you should do something about it?”

In that moment, my life changed.
I WAS sick of living like this.
I AM going to do something about it.

I attended a workshop – which changed me and my life.
I then became addicted to workshops and personal growth…and here I am all these years later on a different plane:

Happy, content, purposeful, loving, passionate, empathetic, vulnerable and empowered.

In each moment, I let go of my expectations, and I finally had room to rebuild with honesty, not pressure.

Letting go isn’t weakness.
It’s clearing space for a bigger life.

If You’re Ready to Learn, Grow, Evolve — Here’s the Real Expectation to Keep

You will not do this perfectly.
But you will do it powerfully.

That’s the only expectation that changes everything.

Your Next Step (Yes, I’m Sorry, but it’s Action Time)

If any of these expectations hit you in the chest, don’t just nod and scroll away.

Do this instead:

1. Pick ONE expectation from the list above.
2. Write down how it shows up in your life.
   When does it show up?
   How does it affect you?
   How does it make you feel?
   How do you react or respond?
3. Commit to letting it go for the next 7 days.
   Each day, write down:
   How and when has it shown up?
   What are the emotions attached to it?
   How do those emotions make you feel?
   Where do those emotions come from (past, trauma, event etc.)?
   Let out the emotions, the pain, the tears.
   Let it go…

(Note: Reach out for help if needed. Speak to a loved one, coach/mentor or health professional if needed.)

4. Pay attention to what shifts.
   Notice how you feel.
   Notice how you react and respond.
   Start noticing you.

Remember, tiny commitments make massive changes.
This is where real growth starts — not in perfect plans, but imperfect action.

You’re capable of far more than you realise.

If you’re serious about changing your life, this is your line in the sand.
Stop waiting.
Stop hiding.
Stop hoping things magically fix themselves.
Choose one expectation…and Break It.
Your new life begins there.

If you want more information or want to ask a question, feel free to reach out!