Looking Back

Well 2018 is almost over. It has been a ride and a half. It is always a good time of year to look back and reflect on what has happened, what I have or haven’t achieved, appreciate both the good AND the bad, and re-evaluate for next year.

So, this is what I look back on…

This time last year I was in one of my worst and longest periods of depression in recent years. I didn’t want to celebrate Christmas, didn’t want to really play cricket, didn’t really want to be around anyone. 

I then went off and completed my “personal growth” courses, and as a result I can honestly say I haven’t had a day of depression since May.

I can now look at my behaviour with clarity and honesty (most of the time). I can pull myself up when I am not being “on centre”, when I am being a twat or a flog. I feel like I am outsider looking in at myself, digging deep to understand why I am behaving like I am. And every time it is because of me. It is because of my insecurities, my embarrassment or my sense of (lack of) self-worth.

Once I see and understand that, I can then “Own My Shit”. My mind set then changes and everything falls into place much easier. The tension, frustration and anger are almost always all dispersed.  My daily struggles are so much smaller now, which makes them so much easier to deal with as a result.

Because now I dealt with my demons and now have the understanding and the skills to deal with my issues, my life has started to flow so much easier. Life has become easy.

Are there still challenges and outside influences that can cause me to struggle? YES.

But I am not in survival mode anymore and can live life being present, not just numbing my way through life. I have the energy and clarity to do that now.

Will there be more challenges ahead? Of course. But I am no longer afraid of any of the challenges that come my way. In fact, I am excited. Bring them on, because I have been in the deepest of holes and I scratched and clawed and crawled and fought my way out. It was the longest and darkest battle I will ever have to face, so every other battle and challenge will fade in comparison.

I owned my shit and faced my demons back in May. I took my life back at that time. It was dark and tough, but worth it.

What I have found is that my demon, that abuse I suffered as a child, has affected me on so many levels that there are new issues and layers unravelling every day. As a result, I  still have to own my (daily) shit as well. It is a conscious decision and though I am still learning, it is a life skill I recommend every person practice.

Yes, 2018 has been a challenge. Yes, there have been some terribly dark times, some of the darkest of my life. But it has also been one of the best years of my life and one of the brightest.

In fact, I OWNED 2018, so bring on 2019.

I wish you and your family and a wonderful Christmas. I want to now throw the challenge to you to start thinking how you can make positive changes in your life in 2019.

Brett

“Owning it”