Breaking AVOIDANCE Patterns

THE PATTERN OF AVOIDANCE:

Why You Keep Putting Things Off (and How to Finally Stop Running From Your Own Life)
Honesty…Avoidance looks harmless.
It feels harmless…in fact, it even feels smart sometimes.
We tell ourselves we’re “keeping the peace,” “choosing calm,” “everything will be ok,” “everything will change,” or “waiting for the right moment.”

But avoidance is fear wearing a Zen robe. It is fear controlling the narrative and telling you you are doing the right thing.

It’s anxiety pretending to meditate, pretending that things will be easier if you leave it alone.

It’s your nervous system saying…“Let’s not deal with this…it’ll magically solve itself.”

Spoiler Alert: It won’t!

I avoided my mental health challenges (depression, low self-worth/self-esteem, feeling like a fraud, & not good enough) for 30 years. I kept saying to myself, in fact, as I look back now, it was my mantra – “If I just be a little stronger for a little longer, everything will change and I’ll be good.”

When you do that for 30 years – and nothing changes – well, it is not only avoidance but almost a form of insanity. (You know the saying – “If you keep on doing the same over and over and expect different results – it is a form of insanity.”)

And all I did during that time was struggle, become more and more exhausted, and slowly sunk deeper into those dark places.

I think of avoidance this way…
Avoidance is 'fear’s' favourite hobby — and it’s an incredibly sneaky b*tch!

Why Avoidance Feels So Safe (Even When It’s Ruining Things)
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Avoidance works…but it's only temporary.

It does give you a quick hit of relief, where your brain goes…
“Ahhh. Problem avoided. Fantastic decision. We should do this more often.”

The problem with this is you are creating a bad habit, a negative feedback loop. Every time you avoid something, you teach your brain the same lesson:
“I can’t handle this.”

You avoid the hard conversation.
You avoid the emotional truth.
You avoid the commitment and hard work required to overcome and adapt.
You avoid making the tough decision that’s been tapping on your shoulder for three months like an annoying child in a supermarket.

And the whole time, all you are doing is avoiding the issue, the emotion, the problem.
And the problem that you continue to avoid…all that it will do is hold you back, wear you down, and change your narrative to a negative one.

And let’s talk about the Avoidance Muscle - the more you avoid your issue or problem, that Avoidance Muscle is in the corner of your life quietly doing repetitive bench-pressing avoidance exercises and getting stronger.

Your avoidance patterns can compound interest faster than a bad credit card.
The longer you leave it, the more painful and expensive it becomes — emotionally, mentally, physically, financially.

What Avoidance Really Costs You
I’ll be blunt:
Avoidance feels safe but creates (internal) chaos.

You lose clarity.
You lose confidence.
You lose self-trust.
You lose goals.
You lose self-love.
You feel like a fraud.

Because deep down…

You know you’re running from something.
You know you need to face the fear.
You know you have to deal with your emotions, or your past.
You know you have to face the truth, and…
You KNOW how hard that is all going to be!

I knew all of that – yet I continued to avoid my past, my emotions, and I hid from the fear.
It became a pattern I couldn’t stop…
And I lost myself along the way!

Avoidance is the gap between the life you have…and the one you actually want.
And that gap widens every time you say:
“Later… not now… tomorrow… next week… when Mercury is in retrograde, and the moon is in Aries.”

Breaking the Pattern: The Power of Micro-Courage
The antidote to avoidance isn’t motivation.
It’s micro-courage.

Not big, dramatic, Hollywood courage, where (Mel Gibson’s Braveheart) William Wallace takes on the English and wins…or (Sly Stallone’s First Blood) John Rambo takes on the Viet-Con and Russians single-handedly and destroys them.

It's the little, micro hits of courage, of bravery, the consistency and persistency, that makes the difference.
Actually, it is a bit like a Hollywood courage – but in the form of “Rudy”. (If you haven’t seen the film, I HIGHLY recommend it…skip past this next bit – spoiler alert!)

In “Rudy”, the main character leaves his job in the steelworks after his best mate dies…and works hard every day at a community college (for 18 months – I think) so he can go to Notre Dame University. On his last attempt, he gets in.

Rudy then tries out for the highly touted, tough and respected football team, a team he grew up loving. Being short, under-skilled, under weight...he wasn’t the best fit. But he made the reserve team…the team who helped the ‘League’ team to be at their best each week. He trained for 2 years – working harder and going harder at training than anyone else on the team.

In the final game of the season – his last…they put him on for the final 30 seconds of the game.

All the hard work and toil to get through his studies to get to university...
His courage to show up every day when people said it was a waste of time.
He won!

Two years training with one of the best college football teams in America....
Training hard for two years – knowing he probably wouldn’t get a game.
His courage to show up…do the work…every…single…day.
He won!

Rudy graduated from university.
Rudy fulfilled his childhood dream and played for “the Irish”.

He won…not by one big moment – but by hundreds and thousands of little moments of micro-courage.

All it takes are the tiny, intentional moments of courage.
(Yes, there may be big moments along the way as well – but they won’t come unless you are already on the path of courage and overcoming your avoidance patterns.)

So…your micro-courage moments may be:
One email you’ve been putting off.
One honest sentence in a difficult conversation.
One decision you make instead of circling around it like a confused seagull.
One moment of honesty with yourself.

Your moments of micro-courage re-wires your brain from:

“I can’t handle this,”
to
“I didn’t die… maybe I actually can do this.”
to
“I’ve got this!”

That mindset shift is everything.
It builds confidence.
It builds self-respect.
It builds positive patterns – that positive feedback loop.

It teaches your nervous system that discomfort is survivable.
It teaches you that you can adapt and overcome.
It teaches you that on the other side of avoidance (and fear), that’s there is happiness, joy, self-worth and self-love.

And you will learn – that overcoming your avoidance pattern — is a hell of a lot easier than staying in the torture chamber of avoidance.

Start Small. Start Today. Start With One Step.
It’s important to remember that breaking Avoidance Patterns isn’t about suddenly dealing with everything you’ve ignored for the last decade.

It’s about choosing one small action today that the old you would’ve avoided.

Avoidance protects you from short-term discomfort, but micro-bravery protects you from long-term regret.

Your life expands in proportion to the conversations you’re willing to have, the emotions you’re willing to feel, and the actions you’re willing to take before you feel “ready.”

For me…all I did was start listening to self-help books. It helped me slowly change my mindset, my perspective. Then I took a few very cheap (probably free) and simple online courses.

Bit by bit, my perspective changed…my mindset changed. I was open to new things, new ways of doing things differently. I did some simple breathwork, and ice plunges in the pool in winter. Slowly, I started to come out of the dark space.

Doors started to open. I decided to do a life coaching course…and that’s when then started to change VERY quickly – like being picked up on the bullet train as it went past at full speed. But that would NOT have happened if I hadn’t been doing the little moments of micro-courage for 18 months.

I didn’t need a moment of massive courage….neither do you.
You just need enough courage to start.

One tiny step.
Repeated daily.
That’s how patterns break and…
That’s how your perspective changes.
That’s how your mindset changes
That’s how your perspective life changes.

Take the step today.
Perform on moment of micro-courage every day.

May It Means Taking Something AWAY!
Just a quick point before I finish. 
Instead of doing something positive - creating a positive action...maybe you need to take away a negative habit. This may be something you have been avoiding because it feels too hard. 

This may include...
Drinking less...or cutting it out for a month...or 6 months. 
Stop smoking or vaping
Only watch 1 hour of TV - instead of 5 hours per day
Stop scrolling on your phone - all the time. 

Basically...stop avoiding your bad or unhealthy habits!


It’s time…
It’s time…
To stop avoiding the tough conversations.
To stop avoiding the hard decisions.
To stop avoiding the past events in your life that are holding you back.
To stop avoiding your pain and emotions that you are hiding from.
To stop avoiding…and re-enforcing old, negative patterns.

It's time…
To take a small step – to help you begin to move forward.
To commit to doing something positive every day to break old patterns.
To use your (micro-) courage regularly to build confidence.
To start to believe you can overcome anything by being consistent & persistent.
To create new patterns…

It's time…to be courageous.
And remember…Today’s Courage Defines Your Tomorrow!